Worksheet Set “The Four Horsemen”

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse According to John Gottman

…or, How to Kill Your Relationship with Four Simple Actions. Ingredients:

• Criticism
• Contempt
• Defensiveness
• Stonewalling/Withdrawal

John Gottman’s extensive research on relationships and divorce has identified these four interaction types as strong predictors of low relationship satisfaction and high likelihood of separation. Therefore, it’s crucial for your patients and clients facing interactional or partnership issues to know and recognize the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.”

To eliminate them and sustainably improve communication and relationship quality, it is important to replace these unhealthy interaction patterns with more functional ones:

• Instead of personal criticism -> Use “I” statements, focus on specific situations and behaviors.
• Instead of contempt -> Practice acknowledgement and appreciation.
• Instead of defensiveness/justification -> Take responsibility and, if necessary, apologize.
• Instead of withdrawal/stonewalling -> Engage in self-care, mindfulness, and prioritize your own needs.

The harmful influence of the “Four Horsemen” is not limited to partnerships; they also affect other interpersonal relationships (parent-child relationships, friendships, and even professional relationships).

This set of two worksheets introduces the “Four Horsemen,” explains what they are, and presents alternative behaviors. An exercise sheet with ample space for personal notes can help process specific situations and conflicts, fostering healthier interaction patterns. It is perfect for couple or family therapy settings, can be used in groups, and is applicable wherever communication improvement is needed. Each of the two worksheets comes in a black and white version that is printer friendly and a color version.

This therapy tool is also included in the English Worksheets Mega Bundle which includes all English worksheets in one download at a 10% rebate.